April 27, 2004
Journal entry 2: Got Milf?
Note: M.I.L.F. :
Mother's--- I'd--- like--- to Fuck
For about as long as I can remember, I have always had a thing for older women.
Whenever I am presented with an unbelievably sexy women, my only question seems to be, I wonder what her mom looks like! Them genes gotta come from somewhere, am I right?
Besides, if the cup cake is this sweet, I can only imagine as to the rich, delicious filling of the finished pie.
(Sorry about all the dessert metaphors, but big guys like me love to mix food and pussy. Saves us from having to make a snack after sex!) Call it a fetish (or just a healthy curiosity), but the elder, more learned member of the tribe is where I choose to worship.
The older the berry, the better the buzz.
A number of years back a term came along and it created a new dimension for the male libido in pop culture; the term that single-handedly, jerked me into man-hood The M.I.L.F. was created.
It was finally acceptable for a guy to remark, Now there's a Mom I'd Like to Fuck! Mother Fuckers took the country by storm.
Stiffler's mom..............Nailed.
Stacey's mom..............Nailed.
Fuck, even MY MOM got jack hammered a couple of times.
(And when I find the no good Cock Weasel(s) responsible, I'm gonna choke you to death with your own BALLS! Poor women still can't walk right!) Whatever the reason, maternal man-handling is on the rise. This coupled with the rise in teen pregnancies can do nothing but fuel this M.I.L.F. mania.
So what I've put together is a listing of the various types of M.I.L.F.s one may come across while cruising for ass outside of a Planned Parenthood clinic.
2% MILF: A milf with only a 2% chance she'd let you
fuck her!
Chocolate MILF: A mom who's into anal. (If she used the back door in the first place, she wouldn't be a
MILF!)
Powdered MILF: Meth-Mom.
Butter MILF: A mom who has an ugly daughter. (But-Her mom I'd like to fuck!)
Goat's MILF: A mom with Carnie roots.
Non-fat MILF: A hottie that doesn't look like she's had kids.
Ice MILF: A frigid bitch who your surprised ANYONE has EVER fuck her!
Expired MILF: A dead mom you still secretly fantasize about. (Gone but not forgotten. RIP Mamma Celeste!)
Warm MILF: A mom who tucks you in after your done Fucking!
Milf Shake: A hot mom with Parkinson's disease.
(Don't give me any shit, they're out there! You're the one fucking them!)
Spilt MILF: A mom you try not to cry over, after you've discovered she's fucked your dad!
Soy MILF: Artificial MILF, or A mom who used to be dad. (Very rare, and very scary!)
Condensed MILF: A hot mom under 4 feet. (Midget moms are the best, cause they make your junk look freakishly huge!)
Curdled MILF: A milf that's past her prime, but you'd still fuck just so you could have the story.
(So I'm stumbling home after last call right? And I end up taking a piss on the side of a church that's having a late night BINGO session...)
So those are just about all the M.I.L.F.'s your going to find in the greater North West. If you know of any others I may have missed, please send them to lonnie@lonniebruhn.com and we will get them in a future post.
I leave you now with a recipe for the mother of all MILF drinks!
Recipe #2
---The Bahama Mamma---
3/4 oz Malibu rum
3/4 oz Dark rum
Fill 50/50 Cranberry and Pineapple
Shake
Posted by Lonnie at 03:05 PM
April 01, 2004
Journal Entry 1: Pot Luck!
Pre-amble;
Greetings and beatings where their due, people!
This here's my little 15 seconds of fame called Recipe for Thought, where I get to Scream, Bitch and Huck Shit at the topic's and issues that concern me and other such dark and broken carbon-based life forms.
(Don't worry, mostly those topic's are good porn, and better drugs. So you won't have too much trouble keeping awake.) And after I have my fun, there's a recipe for you to try.
You are currently reading the inaugural issue, and I hope you will be insulted enough to recommend this blurb to other's.
Now let's get started.
Rockin' with Doken,
--------------------------------
Something that I feel needs to be addressed with the utmost importance, is the glaring in-accuracy of the current anti-drug commercials. Seems to me, a few years back, pot commercials used to be cool. Images of eggs being fried in a pan was the best way to get a stone-er's attention.
_This is your brain on drugs!_
_Rad! Could you make my brains with some ham and cheese tossed in?_
Not to mention, discussing the sensitive issue of confronting your teen as to the origin of their drug habit.
_Where'd you get this? Huh? Who taught you who to do this stuff?_ _You, all right, I learned it by watching you!_
What you didn't see just after that cut was, from the hallway someone yells,
_BURN!_
And the father and son enjoy a hardy laugh. Or maybe they only did that in my cannabis soaked memory.
At any rate, what was I talking about?
Oh yeah, commercials these days are nowhere near what's really happening out there with your kids.
(stone-er references coming up.) Half-baked scenarios where a girl smokes two joints in the afternoon and has unprotected sex because of which. That's bull shit! ( Did you catch them? Good! Pull a binger.)
_Maybe you should talk to your child about Pot. It's more dangerous than we originally thought._
If your kid is getting lit and turning her vagina into a drive through, listen closely, YOUR KID IS A SLUT! Bible truth.
I don't know who wrote these confused ads, but the slang for weed is Dope, not Whore.
When your kids get high, the only box they want to play with is hooked up to the TV.
If I had my way, (and the day is coming very soon!)those triple take commercials they run now, the ones where the _troubled teen_ has three quick flashes of consequence, would look a little more like the truth!
Instead of Kathy, (aka the human trampoline,) getting wasted at a party, passing out, and getting molested by one of her Reefer-addicted peers, the opening shot would be Johnny _blaze_ offering to smoke little miss _easy rider_ out.
(Cause I don_t know how your pot etiquette reads, but you have to be invited into the circle first. Bitch just walks up and starts smoking on some ones shit, she liable to be reckoned with. Getting laid is the least of her worries. Act Like Ya Know!)
The first cut would be when the weed kicks in. And if you know anything about the crippling affects of the _chronic_, you would know that the initial change occurs when you start babbling about stupid shit, until the next person in line smacks you one. You came to toke, not Camp. Pass the Duchy on the left hand side!
The second cut would be just after the munchies kicked
in. It would depict the two adolescents in the
frenzy of a big mac attack, not a panty raid!
And lastly the the most disturbing cut would show the horrors of smoking pot. The young lady would be passed out on the sofa, with the only light coming from the flickering TV.
There would be a slow pan-in as the _would- be_ rapist walks over to her, checks to see if she is really out, and then slowly reaches down for the Play Station controller. He hits the pause button, and sits down in front of her.
Black out!
Sound a little more plausible? I thought so.
Join me next time where I will tackle other important dangers facing the youth of today, but first here's my final thought...
Maybe you should talk to your kid about why she needs to be at a party where the best way to fit in (not a pun, but an attempt at some Jerry Springer-like levity.)is by being the entertainment turnstile.
Or maybe she_s just more Easy than we originally thought.
Now here's a recipe that I think you will enjoy making at home.
Recipe # 1
---Pot Brownies---
What you will need;
1 oz. Top quality Green.
1 large van with no windows.
20 feet of rope.
1 canister of nitrous oxide.
(Sorry, that_s a formula I am forbidden to use by the
courts.)
1/2 cup flour
3 tablespoons shortening
2 tablespoons honey
1 egg (beaten)
1 tablespoon water
1/2 cup marijuana
pinch of salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 cup sugar
2 tablespoons corn syrup
1 square melted chocolate
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup chopped nuts
Sift flour, baking powder, and salt
together. Mix shortening, sugar, honey,
syrup, and egg. Then blend in chocolate
and other ingredients, mix well. Spread
in an eight inch pan and bake for 20
minutes at 350 degrees
Underage campers sold separately!
Posted by Lonnie at 02:57 PM
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